Home Education I want to freelance but I have no guts

I want to freelance but I have no guts


I decided to spend the weekend with my wife. She had been alone and lonely since our son went to visit his grandmother a week ago. Our son matters to her, she usually doesn’t need me around but this time, she did.

“Did you give the letter?” she asked as busied herself in the kitchen.

Late last month I embarked on an ambitious mission to quite my job, and I sort advice from friends who were indifferent on my desire to quit. I involved Joan in the talk, and she was ready for anything.

” I haven’t,” I answered. Joan then murmurs  “just stick in there for a month and wait for feedback from HR.”

The truth is I am scared, but I am sure this is what I want to do. I think my wife understands this because she says we find another job. Since I don’t want to disappoint her, (She is so lovely, lovable and loving and gentle, typical supportive traditional Kalenjin wife and a pain in the ass at times especially when referring if it is related past failed attempt to quit) I agree.

It didn’t take long. Joan was back on the couch. This whole time I was busy on the phone and the TV was on. I didn’t understand why I had to be on my blog monitoring analytics while she was there just there on the couch.

I realized that I usually write about her and she knows that. Lately, the first thing that comes out of her mouth before any conversation is “You will not write about this” and nod in agreement. But I write about not writing about a conversation we had. I do it perfectly, and she can’t pin me down. She has never asked me to pull a post down.

Here is real me and what I say when she is not listening. Fuck the blueprint which goes like this. Go to school, be obedient, study hard, pass exams, go to college, pass with first class honors, get out of college, get a job (get employed) find a nice girl, marry her have children, retire, then die (you cannot mention this in the blueprint)

Now listen! I went to school to play. The school owned a large chunk of land with acres of space for all sorts of games. There were other children, a lot of them, to play with and this is what took me to school in the first place. I had my agenda at age 7 for joining nursery school which I attend for a term. I spent precious time playing and then I graduated to the next class and then my head teacher realized that if he sat on me, I would be his shining star. I hated that feeling of responsibility of making me an ideal pupil.

And then there was the high school. I went to two different high schools. The first one wasn’t serious (eventually, the school was shut down the year I left), so my guardian took me to the other one which was more strict about education. A local mega-church owned the school. In this school is where I that learned that even pastors get hooked to drugs.

Then I did my O-level, and I passed. Everything seemed to follow the god damn blueprint. I didn’t have an alternative.  I went to college and ate, played volleyball and slept. So I met Joan on the pitch playing. I left college and got a contract, then got employed and I stopped playing. Then Joan was here, and then the Ethan was here.

I feel I am a rebel and being tied to 8 to 5 job makes me less productive. I love freedom. I enjoy tasks that allow me to work at my own pace and utilize personal skills while teasing my brain. I love to be a freelancer but I am scared to quit. I will eventually quit though.